I know what you must be thinking. You came here to read about Bali, not about mental health. Well, believe it or not, the two *are* interconnected. Just indulge me for a little bit. You can always log off at any time.
How do you fall in love with a place you’ve never been to but feel in your soul you’ve been there before? First, it was Hawai’i, now it’s Indonesia. What is it about these places that somehow manage to wrap me in their magic as if I had no other way to escape from its grip. And I just don’t want to escape, honestly. Who would have thought that over the years I would be traveling from the most remote part of the Cañaboncito ward in Caguas, Puerto Rico to the Indonesian archipelago?
For me, it is the simplicity of life, it’s the connection to nature, to Spirit and to soul.
But how did I get here?
I never dealt with my divorce or unpacked what it really meant. I just kept piling on more on my plate to avoid dealing with the grief. I took my sister in, then the pandemic happened and I lost most of my staff, then my Mom got sick, then my nephew was not well so I focused on him a little, then I went to Harvard, then Georgetown, then Yale. One day, my world collapsed. I sent everything and almost everyone to hell. I told the world to FKKK off…
Most people hide depression behind smiles and laughter, so did I. For me, it was meeting all my obligations, networking events, supporting my parents if they faced any issues (healthcare, administrative, etc.) or being everyone else’s cheerleader, ray of sunshine, beacon of light. This was true for years, but in 2023 it was extremely painful. I felt fake and empty.
In June 2023, I abruptly resigned from my senior executive job and I don’t regret it. So, the next day, I took a paid mental health day. I went for a manicure and pedicure, I had some ice-cream and I watched Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love.
I Cried. I cried for her. I cried for myself. Never in my life did I think that one day I would live my own version of the movie in my own life.
Around September 2023, I ventured to visit Hawai’i, and after returning home, I experienced the most severe part of my depression. It was horrible. I did not sleep or eat well. I did not want to get out of bed, I did not want to see anyone. I was drinking A LOT, and crying even more. All because of grief. An incredible amount of sadness came over me and I could not shake it off no matter what.
In October, I decided I wanted to visit Bali, Indonesia. I knew it was on the other side of the world, but I never imagined how far away it would be. I really didn’t know much about Bali necessarily, but I decided then that in March 2024, I would go.
In one of my Instagram moments of mindless scrolling, during one of my lowest and darkest moments of Fall 2023, someone uploaded a video where they shared their healing and purification. In the video, a young woman was violently screaming a cry of pain. Digging a little deeper for more information, I decided that I wanted to go through the purification ceremony once I got to Bali. I figured something had to give – either I would heal or I would have a nice vacation.
I had just started seeing a new therapist and at that moment, I knew Bali was a remote idea in my head, but I told her all the things I wanted to do and she was very supportive of my decision. Admittedly, her youthful spirit also has a lot to do with my decision to come to Bali.
One cold day in February 2024 I decided to call a good friend who is a real estate agent. I told her I wanted to sell my house and, in less than a month and a half, the house had already been sold. A lot of things happened and among them, the divine confirmation that I had to get to Bali.
I wrote to TriDesna’s number to make sure I could get a date. They replied the next day and offered me April 4, 2024 at 12:30 p.m. I said yes. And I immediately got my ticket to Bali, Indonesia.
After selling the house, I spent days between hotels and staying with my best friend trying to tie loose tails.
Then, I got on the road… (more to come)
